


Soften, Mold and Mend (Honed by Sea)

by bbybird



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Blood and Injury, Caduceus Clay is the Best, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Caleb Widogast's Backstory, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Fjord Has Issues (Critical Role), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It teaches Fjord a real lesson, Oblivious Fjord (Critical Role), Pining, Protective Fjord, Set on the Ball-Eater, The ocean deserves its own tag, Via Caleb, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27381580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbybird/pseuds/bbybird
Summary: Caleb had never possessed any particularly strong opinions about the ocean. He was simply indifferent. The sea provided no nostalgia, no fear and little apprehension travelling with the Nein; It was an endless, easily forgotten mass in the back of his busy mind. And worrying about the sea itself was never a pressing concern- there were enemies in the water, of course, and a ship to care for, but the sea itself was something Caleb considered safe, especially with the constant ability to breathe under it.He would find this belief to be an embarrassingly naive one.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Fjord & Caleb Widogast, Fjord/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 16
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord's mistakes and the oceans affinity for pointing them out in the cruelest of ways.

**Caleb had never possessed any particularly strong opinions about the ocean. He had no personal aversions akin to Veth’s reasons, nor did he harbor any affections the way Fjord did. He was simply indifferent. The sea provided no nostalgia, no fear and little apprehension travelling with the Nein; It was an endless, easily forgotten mass in the back of his busy mind. Worrying about the sea itself was never a pressing concern- there were enemies _in_ the water, of course, and a ship to care for, but the sea itself was something Caleb considered safe, especially with the constant ability to breathe under it. **

**He would find this belief to be an embarrassingly naive one.**

* * *

They had been travelling aboard The Ball-Eater for nearly ten days now, heading back to Port Damali, and Caleb found himself growing impatient to reach land. Veth had too it seemed, sincerely asking the previous night if he could teleport her ahead for some family time while they finished the journey. He had obliged, nearly asking if he could go with her but deciding against it, not wanting to intrude on the little time she had with Luc and Yeza.

The setting sky reflected on the surface of the ocean, surrounding them in never ending oranges, yellows and reds, a familiar color scheme that Caleb found comforting, for once. He took a break from working on a spell and surveyed it for a moment, awed by the fiery streaks of color, the way they seemed to melt into the sea. He had skipped dinner, not wanting to break his concentration at the time, so he sat alone on the deck while his friends and the rest of the crew ate. A dull hunger filled his chest now that his focus had broken and he was contemplating closing his books for the night when Fjord stumbled above deck in a slightly drunken manner. His lips twitched with fondness.

“Caleb!” Fjord called, a smile on his face. There was a vibrance to the half orc, a joyful energy that he took on whenever they were out at sea. Though he was usually very adept, there was a _sureness_ to his actions here, a radiant confidence that came off in waves. Being about as inexperienced in seafaring as one could possibly be, Caleb found that reassuring.

“Fjord.” Caleb greeted as the man grew nearer, placing his books to the side. Fjord plunked down next to him, extending a napkin of food with a tipsy smile. Caleb took it gratefully, saying, “ _Danke_ , you didn’t have to bring me anything.”

“Thank Cad, he asked me to bring it to you,” Fjord replied, “There’s rum too, if you want.” He placed a bottle between them after taking a swig. A moment passed, then Fjord asked, “What were you working on?”

“A new spell,” Caleb took a bite of dried meat before continuing, “I think you all will like it, once it’s done.”

“And you’re not gonna tell me what it is?” Fjord guessed.

Caleb smiled. “ _Nein_ , you will have to wait.”

“Alright then,” The half orc replied, taking a deep breath a moment later, letting it out with a hum. “Gods be damned, I love that smell.”

The human inhaled, letting the ocean breeze fill his lungs, appreciating the way the sunset cast the deck in warm tones, making Fjord's eyes shine a beautiful gold. His friend leaned back, relaxing against a crate. “I think this is the most peaceful I have ever seen you, Fjord,” He pointed out, adding, “The sun and waves have softened you.”

Fjord’s eyes reached his. “Is that a good thing?” He inquired.

“I think so. We all deserve some quiet after the last few months.” The whole trip had been quiet, uneventful in the best of ways, giving the group ample time for bonding, reflection and planning for events to come. The Neins list of leads to follow or people to fight (and more to help) seemed to be unending and the rest was deeply needed to continue at their pace.

Fjord answered with a “Yeah” before swallowing more liquor, this time offering the bottle directly to Caleb. The burn in his throat was a welcome one as it travelled down to sit in his full belly with a blanketing comfort. He passed the bottle back. A moment later he said, “I think this is the longest we’ve been without any action,” Fjord’s growing tusks peeked out as he smiled, adding, “I’ve been so damn lazy, I think my arms are losing what little muscle they had!”

“Nonsense, just because we have not been fighting does not mean you have not been busy, _Captain Tusktooth_.”

Fjord was mid drink and choked a bit at the comment, covering a moment later with: “I’m not sure I even qualify as a captain, Orly’s the _real_ one keeping this ship above water.” He hoped Caleb would write off the heat in his cheeks as the alcohol taking effect. It wasn’t completely wrong anyways.

“You may be right about that.” Caleb answered. Fjord looked flustered to him, but perhaps it was the drink.

“I sure as hell am! We have far too much shit going on to get our _shit_ together enough to successfully man a ship.” The half orc exclaimed, sitting upright as he gesticulated wildly.

“You are most definitely right about that.” He conceded, brushing a few stray hairs behind his ear. “The shit pile has lessened though, it used to be quite the mountain,” he thought for a moment, continuing, “It is more like a hill now, large but possibly conquerable.”

Fjord studied him for a moment. “You sure the sea hasn’t been softening _you_?” He was shocked. It was rare to see the wizard say something positive. The closest they usually got from him was something slightly above neutral.

Caleb wanted to tell Fjord that _he himself_ may have, and all the Nein, but instead answered with a pensive: “I don’t know.”

The conversation lulled and Caleb drifted, noticing that the sun had dipped lower now, spreading a wine red among the clouds as it almost broke the endless waters surface. He looked back to Fjord and caught him staring, chastising himself as he realized the man was waiting for him to say something. As he was scrambling for something to say, Fjord spoke for him.

“You know, Beau was saying something earlier at dinner about how hard it is to take a break. ‘Puts her on too sharp an edge.”

“She has been squirmy these last few days,” The wizard agreed, relieved his friend had taken the conversation’s reins. He couldn’t say he didn’t feel her sentiments. “She is tense, but that also means she is prepared if something goes wrong and with our history…”

“I know, something’s got to happen soon. And I get it, but at the same time it’s just so nice to not have to worry about wars, or gods, or manipulative bastards, or eldritch beasts trying to kill us all…” He huffed, wide eyed, “The list never fuckin’ ends!”

“ _Ja_ , but they grow stronger in our absence. That is why she worries, because leaving mess to rot only makes it harder to clean. The scales shift more with every moment of inaction.” His thoughts shifted to Rexxentrum, to the Cerberus Assembly; _the looming pedestal that he was still at the base of, that could destroy him and the rest of the things he treasured before he could think to topple it-_

When Fjord noticed the sudden shift in tone he looked towards Caleb. The man's eyes had darkened and Fjord wished he hadn’t brought it up. There was an uncomfortable silence (though perhaps it was one sided) and he itched to lighten the mood and stop his friend from spiraling. Not sure what to say exactly, he suggested, “Do you wanna head in? See what the others are doing? It’s getting dark.” He prayed Caleb would say yes, not wanting to leave his friend subjected to his clearly heavy thoughts.

Caleb was unresponsive for a moment but his eyes cleared before answering, “Yes, I- You go ahead and I will follow in a minute.”

Fjord lingered before heading inside, respecting the wizards wishes.

* * *

Caleb came around a while later, joining the group for their impromptu party. He was glad to have joined them, as he always was. They stayed up late into the night, consorting in the warmth of a magical fire he had made them. Jester had been overjoyed when he began shifting the shapes and colors of the flame, asking him to create obscenities of every kind, which he had happily obliged to. With his melancholic stint from earlier forgotten, the Nein went to sleep that night drunken, full-stomached and thoroughly contented, swaying in their hammocks as the ship lulled them into their own syrupy sweet dreams. Overall it would be a treasured night in the list of nights Caleb knew he could never forget even without a perfect memory, the only complaint being that Veth hadn’t been there. A night of total and complete peace, guards let down to find family in one another.

That memory would sour however, beginning with a dull _thud_ as something hit the Ball-Eater that night. A thud that became a cracking, splintering _scream_ of wood breaking.

Beau was the first up, gracefully escaping her hammock as she yelled in an opposite manner: “Get up! Something’s happening!” as she grabbed her stick and ran up the stairs.

Caleb jumped to action, cursing himself for the fact that he was still somewhat inebriated. He followed close behind Caduceus and Yasha as they headed for the deck. It had begun to rain in the night, pelting the darkened ship and quickly dampening their clothes. Fjord had left the captain's chambers and was looking alongside Beau over the railings and into the heavy fog.

“What’s going on!” Jester yelled over the rain as they regrouped.

Fjord turned to them, rain dripping from his hair as he responded, “The ship’s been hit.”

Another bang and sent the ship careening sideways, knocking them all off balance, nearly toppling Caleb over. Yasha grabbed his arm tight, letting a hand hover over his shoulder even after he had stabilized. They group stilled for a moment, returning their efforts to finding the source of their attacker when nothing happened.

“I can’t see anything with all this fuckin’ fog!” Beau grumbled.

“It came from the left both times,” Fjord started, “Beau, go look from the other end, someone should go check below, make sure there isn’t any internal damage,” he said. Beau left, joined by Caduceus as Jester and Yasha headed below deck. The rest of the crew met Fjord and Caleb before spreading out to keep watch in the center and starboard of the ship.

 _He had to ask._ “Is it Uk’otoa?” Caleb questioned, apprehensive and growing cold due to the rain seeping through his coat.

“I hope to hell it’s not.” The taller man stared intently into the fog, glancing down into the depths a moment later with restless eyes.

“And if it is?” Caleb shuddered internally, remembering their previous encounter with the fish-like assassins, the red of Fjord's blood staining sun-bleached wood as the wretched things tried to drag his body away. “We do not-” He continued, “Could we handle that again?”

Fjord couldn’t admit he wasn’t sure they could. He turned to the wizard, meeting his faltering gaze and suggested: “You could make a teleportation circle, just in case- Can you do that?” Caleb saw the fear brimming in his friend's eyes, the way his shoulders hitched a fraction.

“ _Ja, ja_ \- I would need to get out of the rain though.”

He couldn’t catch Fjord's response as another booming _crack_ resonated through the air, the boat taking a hit even harder than the last- this time from the other side sending Caleb careening sideways, slamming his head unforgivably into wood and his body over the edge before he even knew what had transpired. A shout came from somewhere above- somewhere far-- growing farther even faster as the waves reached hungrily towards his plummeting form. The waves broke as he hit water; devouring him whole like a snake did to prey; consuming him in a cold terror he would have felt straight down to his bones--

If he were conscious.

* * *

The thought of Uk’otoa- of any attacker fled from Fjords mind as Caleb disappeared under the surface. Beau screamed the humans name from the other end of the ship, making a mad dash towards him that barely even registered.

Fjord had forgotten to cast water breathing.

He _always_ did it, just in case, often when they were nowhere near the ocean- and yet he had _forgotten to_ when they were surrounded in miles upon miles of sea.

He waited, straining to see a red mop of hair breach the surface. He waited some more, the sinking in his chest growing with each second alongside his descending thoughts.

Caleb could drown. He could be dragged below by anything, just by the churning, relentless force of the water. Fjord had seen men go overboard before; you’d expect the shock of cold water to send them racing upright; it often sent them deeper into paralyzing darkness, sending them to their deaths. He _couldn’t_ let that happen this time, not to Caleb.

The second their wizard fell Fjord knew what he had to do. He shouldn’t have waited so long.

Just as Beau reached the Captain, he dove over the edge.

Fjord's relationship with water was complicated- he found a profound sense of home in it, the sort of home that, while insurmountably fulfilling, could also be cruel in the way that only those closest to your heart could. Its love was _tough_ , shoving hard lessons down your throat without a second thought, watching you gag and splutter, then congratulating you with gifts incomparable to much else; like making up with an abuser after a fight. And he always forgave it somehow.

He knew this was a lesson, diving into the harsh blue. He had been drunk on peace, too relaxed to remember safety precautions that should have been second nature. He had been soft- why had he been so _soft_? He should have been like Beau, been more alert, then he could have prevented this from ever occurring.

It was extremely early in the morning, likely a few hours before sunrise (Caleb would know) and the ocean was _dark_ , even with his eyesight. He held his breath and struggled to find any sign of Caleb, of auburn hair, freckled skin, _anything_ , by turning throughout the water with flailing limbs. Ignoring his burning lungs he sunk deeper into a sea darker than night, frantic until he saw something- a shadow-like, sinking mass- _Gods please be him_ , Fjord prayed.

As he swam closer Fjord could just make out the small frame, the enveloping coat and long hair- _Caleb_. His friend was falling in slow motion almost delicately, completely still as a thin trail of blood rose from his head to mingle with seawater.

Concern urged him forwards as he grew closer, arms length, then finally close enough to pull the smaller man to his chest. Letting the air leave his lungs in bubbles he cast water breathing on the both of them, willing the water to be his ally, to help, to stop _killing_ his friend. An uncomfortable lungful of water quickly shifted into a sensation that was second nature by now and he found himself infinitely grateful as the burning in his chest receded. Holding Caleb's body tight under one arm, he clutched the man's coat and realized a moment later that they were confronted with an entirely new challenge- finding the surface.

Floating hair obscured his vision as he found upon looking up that he couldn’t make out the surface, the boat- he couldn’t see anything— because there was nothing to see. His darkvision was devoid of use in a place with no discerning land masses or features. A dull blue surrounded them, made Fjord feel small like he did in his dreams, the dreams in which he was an insect in the light of that massive, scrutinizing eye- he half expected it to appear behind them right now.

When it _didn’t_ , he gathered his bearings, chose what was most likely the way up, and went for it- he didn’t have time to trivialize when the weight in his arms gave him a clear mission to fulfill.

Though Caleb didn’t weigh much, it was still awkward swimming with the added cargo, his limp body resistant as Fjord swam against the water. Ignoring this he tightened his grip, moving forwards for what felt like forever. He found himself wishing he had water walk like Cad, that he could have casted it and sent them rising up immediately-- actually, that he could have casted it before Caleb even hit the water-- but he didn’t, so he was making due; He could just make out a thin trail of blood behind them and told himself that Caleb would be _okay_ \- the wizard was far stronger than he looked, in will at least.

Fjord's heart brimmed with concern.

* * *

The rain pelted the water's surface lowering Beaus visibility as she searched the darkened depths for any sign of Caleb or Fjord. She was pissed at the latter for throwing himself in after Caleb without any sort of plan, when they were being assailed by what could very likely be Uk’otoa himself, or his creepy minions- enemies of Fjord _specifically_ \-- but she couldn’t actually blame him, knowing she’d probably do the same even lacking dope water abilities. Caleb had hit his head super fucking _hard_ , like hard enough that she could tell from the other end of the deck and now the two of them were nowhere to be seen.

Caduceus stood next to her, searching the water himself, composed in a way that would have irked her had it been any other person while the remainder of the party and crew continued to search for damage or any sign of their attacker.

“You see anything?” She had to shout over the rain, “If I don’t see one of their stupid heads in the next _thirty seconds_ I’m going in after them.”

“I know you’re anxious, Beau,” He started, “but let's try to trust that Mr. Fjord has things handled-”

She barely heard him, asking as she leaned further over the edge, “Can you cast your fucking water walk for me, or something?” Beau gave him a quick glance before pacing to a new viewpoint and beginning to search again. “I wanna go down there- they could be in a fight right now for all we know and C-”

“Beau!” A shout from behind them. She turned to see Jester and Yasha running towards them. “Did you figure out who’s attacking us? There was nothing below deck, just a stinky poop someone left in the toilet- no holes or anything- Oh my gosh it’s so wet out here!” Jester shrieked.

Yasha noticed their diminished party, asking, “Where’s Fjord and Caleb?”

“We still haven’t seen anything,” Caduceus began, “as for the other two..”

Beau picked up where he had trailed off, stating, “They went overboard. Caleb fell in and Fjord jumped off the fucking ship.”

“They did _what_!” Jester exclaimed running up to the railing to peer over the edge.

Caduceus gave them the rest of the story and Beau returned to her search, pulse quickening with every passing second.

“Should someone go in after them?” Yasha asked.

Beau scoffed. “I’ll be heading in there real _fucking_ soon if they don’t-”

“Look.”

Caduceus pointed over the edge, where one head, almost completely obscured by waves, had bobbed above water. _Fjord_. It was pushed under momentarily before rising again, followed by a second mop of hair they could hardly make out through the elements.

The anxiety visibly left Beaus form as she sighed, beginning to look around as she asked, “We need something- a rope--”

Yasha was a fucking life saver. Beaus eyes had landed on the barbarians hands holding up a thick rope as Yasha replied with, “I had the same thought,” as she began to secure it to the wood.

Beau tied the end in a knot (one that Fjord had shown her) and threw it over the edge, yelling as loud as she could, “Grab the rope!”

The rest of the group accompanied her, preparing to lift the weight of their friends once they were secured. Beau was closest to the edge, watching a miniature Fjord swim over to the rope, struggle to grab it, sink under, then rise back up with a strong hold as far as Beau could tell. She waited another moment and when he didn’t seem to lose hold she shouted, “Okay, Pull now!”

They hauled the men up towards the deck, which was not a difficult task, being two of their lighter party members, and when Beau could reach Fjord's hand she gripped it tightly. Caduceus attempted to take Caleb with him but he didn’t quite let go, not even after the rest of the group had left the rope in favor of helping them over the railing.

Fjord slumped onto the deck, hunched over as he hacked up the water he had previously been breathing. His hand still grasped Caleb's coat, likely subconsciously as Caduceus supported the wizards dead weight. Yasha and Beau helped him back to his feet when the coughing subsided and Fjord choked out a raspy, “ _Caleb_ ,” when Jester began to fuss over him.

Caduceus looked down at the human in his arms, noticing the dark red in his wet hair. His ears twitched. There was a little _too_ much for his liking.

“ _Oh my_ ,” He let out, and when four heads immediately snapped up to him he said in as calm a tone as possible:

“I think we should head inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.  
> This was meant to be a 5+1 type thing, a bunch of short oneshots of the Nein protecting Caleb and then him protecting the Nein, but chapter one just didn't want to end... So I cut it in half.  
> Chapter two is all aftercare and should be up shortly, as it's already half written. If I go through with my original plan this will become a series, each work focusing on Caleb and individual members of the Nein :) 
> 
> Let me know what you thought <3 <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comfort, pining and Caduceus' enigmatic tea antics.

They weren’t out of dangerous waters yet, literally or metaphorically, which was hard to forget with Calebs awry presence. They had headed into Fjord's room out of convenience, the captain's chambers being the closest cover from rain, where Caduceus had laid the soaked man on the bed. Caleb's head fell limp to the side, exposing his bloodied forehead to the group. Their wizard had seen harsher injuries in the past- arrows, swords, the whole shebang-- but the sight of water-thinned blood covering a face they held dear-- the fact that he was completely unresponsive-- well, it certainly didn’t make the situation any lighter.

Caduceus had offered to heal Caleb and stay behind until they woke up, suggesting that Fjord take a rest as well, at least until another attack came. _Gods_ , Caduceus was great. It was like he could tell that Fjord didn’t want to leave, but would have unless someone had told him to stay. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to focus on the deck anyways, not when the only thing on his mind was the man laying on his sheets.

Sitting on the edge of his desk, he watched Caduceus pull up its chair and begin to heal Caleb, cradling his head with faintly glowing hands. Fjord watched the edge of the cut not obscured by hair begin to knit itself back together as layers upon layers of mycelium crusted over the wound. Small bits of fungi began to grow, only to wilt into nothingness, leaving behind a fresh layer of skin.

When the cleric finished, saying, “There we go,” he smoothed over Caleb's hair and called, “Wake up, Mr. Caleb.” He tried calling a second time and upon receiving no response he removed his gentle hand and turned to Fjord, stating, “ He may need another minute. How are you feeling?”

“M' okay. I- uh-“ His eyes glanced from Caduceus to Caleb and he continued, “How easy is it for humans to get sick?”

Caduceus returned his eyes to said human. “Easy enough, I’d assume. I was just thinking the same thing- I was hoping he’d wake up and at least have a cup of tea,” The firbolgs ear twitched. Ever-calm, he asked, “ Would you help me remove his coat?”

“Yeah, sure.”

The two managed to remove the already heavy coat made heavier by water, along with Calebs boots, pouch and books; Fjord had carefully laid them out to dry, wincing when he imagined how the man would react upon seeing their sorry state. They tucked him under a wool blanket. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do, they decided, not wanting to remove anything else without knowing that Caleb was alright with it.

The ship remained quiet the entire time and Fjord found himself bracing once again for another hit, the tension pulling tighter with each passing moment as he waited for it to snap. With Caleb handled he was tossing around the idea of heading back out- he had no excuse to stay inside now and should have been out there to begin with, fulfilling his role as captain- even if it was hard to feel like one. He stood up and opened his mouth, about to let Caduceus know he was leaving as Beau threw open the door, catching it just as it was about to slam into the wall. The sound of relentless downpour became a dull pattering as she swung it back into place.

“Captain,” She greeted halfheartedly (It always felt like dress up, calling each other by fancy titles), “There’s no sign of anyone, I think the assholes decided it wasn’t worth the effort or something.” Rain formed a small puddle underneath her feet. “Orly said it was probably a passing ship, something with cannons based on the damage we could make out. I think Yasha and a few others are staying out to keep watch for a bit, everyone else’s inside drying off.”

Fjord gave a curt hum. “Seems real fucking _strange,_ but okay.”

Beau wrung out her hair and answered, “I dunno man, maybe we startled them? Or maybe they were smart enough to know that taking us on would be a _huge_ fuckup on their part. Anyways, the damage isn't that bad, just needs minor repairs. Could probably do them-” Glancing down she realized the mess she had made. “Shit- Sorry I tracked in so much-” She continued scanning the floor, already covered in streaks of water, the soaked bed sheets and finally a drenched Caleb, “-Unless you don’t actually care, do you? It’s uh- there’s already-”

“-It’s completely fine,” Fjord answered.

“Cool.” She stepped out of her puddle jerkily and leaned against the wall. “How’s he doing?”

Caduceus pitched in, “Caleb’s just resting. The last little bit took a lot out of him.”

“It took a lot out of all of us and we barely did anything, just ran around blindly in the rain. By the way,” she gestured at Fjord, “What you did earlier- just _throwing_ yourself into the water without a word-- look, I get it but it wasn’t fuckin’ cool.”

Fjords posture grew tense as he instinctively turned his head away. 

“I know.”

Beau laughed with frustration. “You couldn’t have waited a few more seconds to talk to me at least?? I was like three steps away from you!!”

He felt no remorse, letting her know, “I’m not sorry.” He finished with a bashful grumble, saying, “He nearly drowned because of my stupid mistake.”

She glanced at Caleb and back to him again and a moment later her eyes widened with a glimmer of understanding. Caduceus gave a small, “Oh,” from behind him.

“You forgot.”

Fjord wrung his hands, not able to meet their eyes. “Yup,” he answered.

There was a heavy silence as the implications stewed in his friends minds.

“Shit man,” Beau sighed, “That could have been really bad. It’s like, routine at this point so I just assumed-”

“I know.” He couldn’t help but glance at her, meeting her serious expression with one of shame.

If the boat had been properly damaged- enough for it to sink-- if anyone else had fallen in-- he wouldn’t have been able to get to them, not unless he chose them over Caleb-- His guts churned as his mind produced a million different outcomes, each worse than the last. Returning his eyes to Caleb's unconscious form, he reminded himself that those scenarios hadn’t- _wouldn’t_ happen, that the sea had taught him a cruel lesson and because of it he would never think to be so careless again.

“I think he’s waking up,” Caduceus said as the human began to stir. The firbolg leaned over him to meet his dazed expression. “Welcome back, Mr. Caleb.” Thankful for the distraction, Fjord found his feet moving to the edge of the bed followed by Beau.

Caduceus and Fjord had the same thought apparently, as a calm, “How are you feeling?” was cut off by a sharper “Are you alright?” Fjord gave an apologetic glance to the other man before setting his sight back on the groaning wizard.

He was met with a terrible expression- an odd grimace and half-blank stare that screamed _something was wrong_. Without warning Caleb eyes slid shut and he began to gag violently.

Caduceus jolted up from his seat, commanding urgently, “Turn him on his side!” As he grabbed Caleb's shoulder to roll him over.

Fjord didn’t need to ask what was happening- he had experienced it a mere hour previous.

Caleb's lungs were full of water. Terrible sounds were pulled from his throat as he threw it up and onto the bed, his body shivering in a manner that triggered Fjord's protective instincts. Yet there was nothing to do but watch aside from offering words of encouragement. Caduceus already had that covered, cooing softly, perhaps saying things like ”That’s it,” or “You’re doing great,”; Fjord couldn’t quite tell. Beau was there too, somewhere, he distantly recalled that.

He felt as if he was in a tunnel; a dark cave; a thin hallway; a space in which Caleb was on the other end, the dark obscuring anything or anyone else in proximity. Water dripped down the man's cheek as the convulsions continued; slowed; the tunnel was growing shorter— the exposure letting in more light— and finally with a huge gasp of breath the fit reached its end.

Caleb slumped over as the tension released, pressing his face into the damp yet still soft sheets as he gathered his bearings.

Caduceus helped him sit up a moment later, a task made difficult due to the fact that he was still slightly concussed; he hissed a quiet “ _Scheisse_..” as a palm found his pounding forehead.

Beau was the one to check in this time, asking, “You okay?” from her place next to Fjord.

“ _Ja_ ,” —Caleb attempted to swallow his dizziness— “I am uh- I will be alright.” Her gaze met his on the last word, scrutinizing.

Caleb tried to remember the sequence of events, how he had gotten here- they had been woken in the night by something- an attack— they were on the deck trying to figure out a plan, he remembered talking to Fjord and then.. then— then nothing. His memory ended; presumably because he’d been unconscious; he _had_ been coughing up seawater- the brine still clung to his tongue—

“You gave us quite the scare just now,” Caduceus chuckled a bit and Caleb looked to him, still processing in the back of his mind. “Sure woke me up.”

Silence hung over them, the group unsure how to proceed forwards.

The list of questions in Caleb's head grew longer as he organized them, trying to decide where to start: Enemies, damage, their safety, the _seawater_ … Surely they were safe for the moment, everyone seemed relaxed? Simply reading the room couldn’t provide the information he needed.

Caduceus clapped his hands together, ever the comforting presence. “Well,” He started, “I can tell by your expression, Caleb, that you must have a lot of questions,” The tall man stood, collecting the wet items he had shed earlier. “I think that Fjord would be the best one to answer them, perhaps over some tea,” He gestured to two steaming cups sitting on the nightstand.

Fjord shot daggers in Caduceus’ direction, his stomach fluttering. He _did_ need to talk to Caleb, but that didn’t mean he was excited for their inevitable conversation. And hold on--

“ _When_ did you make that?”

“The tea? Just now,” Caduceus answered, a small quirk in his lips. Fjord was bewildered, though he probably shouldn’t have been. Beau wasn’t.

The firbolg was on his way then, beckoning Beau to follow. Hard rain sounded once again as Beau lingered in the entrance.

“Glad you’re alright Caleb,” Beau said. She gave Fjord a look of consolidation before shutting the door and leaving the two on their own.

* * *

Fjord looked at Caleb from where he hovered then returned to leaning against his desk in an attempt to give the man some room. Water dripped from the Wizards hair, unkempt, no longer tied back in the neat ponytail Fjord had become accustomed to.

The wizard stared back, broke eye contact, returned again. He wiped his cheek with a damp sleeve, doing nothing, perhaps making his cheek even more wet. Their predicament, or perhaps previous predicament burned its way through Caleb's mind. “We _are_ safe, right?” He had to ask.

“Yeah- sorry—“ They should have led with an explanation, Caleb must be so confused. Fjord repeated with more confidence, “Yeah of course, for the time being at least.”

Caleb hummed in acknowledgement.

“D’you want to dry off a bit, before we talk?” Fjord asked, “Caduceus- he uh, said humans got sick easily in the cold.” _Gods_ , this was awkward. Was Caleb uncomfortable too? He must be. “You could borrow some clothes, if you need, I have-“ Fjord walked to the dresser he had neglected to fill, opening the bag on top and beginning to search. “I have a shirt here,” -He dug some more— “Pants are somewhere…”

“If you have extra, a shirt would be _wunderbar_ , thank you,” Caleb replied. He wouldn’t normally accept, but his only other shirt was torn and he was _cold_. The fiery heat in his hands was vacant, leaving his fingers trembling along with the rest of his frame.

The half-orc continued to dig, eventually pulling out a soft pair of pants and offering the items to Caleb.

“Ah- I only need-“

Fjord cut the man off. “I won’t force you, but they’re warm. Super comfortable. And you’re _freezing_ , I can tell.” The slight tremor in Caleb's shoulders was a dead give away.

The human opened his mouth to protest, then begrudgingly took the clothes.

“Bathroom’s over there,” Fjord directed and Caleb followed, staggering momentarily as he regained control over his limbs.

Waiting for the wizard to emerge, Fjord realized it was a bit weird, sharing his clothes. He had been caught up in helping the man, keeping him from getting sick- but it was a personal gesture, offering your belongings to someone. Were they close enough to do that? They had known each other for nearly six months now, they were friends, but this seemed strange. And Caleb was a private man; for him to accept he must have been freezing- really freezing. Or maybe they really were that close.

He busied himself with finding another dry outfit for himself. When he realized just how much water they had managed to track into his chambers he cursed under his breath, removing his wet shirt and attempting to mop up some of the larger puddles with it. Realizing it was a fruitless pursuit, he abandoned the shirt on the floor in a sad heap and pulled another over his chest. Kicking his pants off in a clumsy manner, he pulled out his last pair; his white dress pants. Not really sleeping material, but they would have to do. He pulled the top layer off of his bed as well, balling it up and tossing it in the wet pile he was accumulating.

Caleb emerged some time later and Fjord tried his best not to gape at the wizards appearance. The unkempt hair he had seen before, yes, but paired with the clothes, _his clothes_ \- a loose button up on a small frame, pants untailored to the mans thin waist-- Caleb had needed to roll them up, they sat so low-- fuck, Fjord’s face was _burning_.

Caleb felt somewhat.. exposed- a bit dizzy too, still- but reminded himself that it was just Fjord. It wasn’t weird, right? He tried to gauge the other man's opinion and found that Fjord was avoiding his eyes. _Was_ this weird??

Not sure what to do, Caleb gathered his wet clothes and leaned to place them near the door. Upon standing up he was hit with a small pulse of vertigo paired with a thudding in his skull. He tripped- _scheisse_ he was going to—

A warm grip found his arm, pulling him back to his weak feet.

“Woah, Caleb-“ Fjord exclaimed, holding tight with wide eyes.

“I need to sit,” he bit out. His vision continued to waver. How hard had he fallen?

“-Yeah, good idea,” -Fjord pulled him over to the bed, “-Just breathe for a minute.” He sat next to the wizard, worry drawing him in close.

Focusing on quelling the nausea, the heartbeat that surged in his ears, Caleb hunched over with his head in his hands. He breathed. In, out, in again…

“Do I need to get Caduceus? Or Jes?”

“No, _nein_ , I’ll be,” -another breath- “I am alright,” He turned his head to look at Fjord, clarifying, “I just need rest, that is all.” Fjord didn’t seem to believe him, but that was okay. Sitting up fully under the half-orcs scrutiny, he changed the subject. “Anyways. I am a bit hazy on the last hour or so… Could I ask you to fill me in on things?”

The hardened look lasted a few seconds longer, Fjord obviously frustrated at Caleb's attempt to shift the conversation away from himself. Caleb clearly didn’t want to talk about his injuries however, so Fjord made a mental note to return to the topic later on. 

“Sure. Uhh.. I’ll just recap things then,” Fjord spoke, “and you can stop me when you have questions.” He searched Caleb’s expression for a sign of agreement and received a small nod. “Alright then…” Where should he even start? A lot had happened- well not really, but a lot of _implications_ ; small intricacies (big on Fjords part) had filled the last hour.

He reached for the steaming cups Caduceus had left behind to stall for time, grabbing them carefully from the bedside table and handing one to Caleb.

The wizard accepted, taking the tea in both hands and pressing it to his lips. It was still too hot to drink but he relished the warmth in his hands, the steam that warmed his upper lip and nose. He didn’t think he’d tried this one before. It smelt earthy, with a hint of spice and clove that Caleb was sure upon drinking would return the fire he yearned for throughout his chest.

“Smells good. Warm,” Caleb hummed. He watched Fjord take a small sip that clearly scalded his mouth and bit back a laugh.

“ _Holy fuck that’s hot_ ,” he squeeked. The half orc spluttered a bit and carefully placed the cup back down. “How does Cad even _do_ that anyway? I swear I never see him boil water or pull out cups or…” Fjord trailed off and furrowed his brows as he tried to recall the details of his time with the Firbolg.

Putting on a mysterious tone Caleb only half joked, “Mr. Clay works in mysterious ways.”

Fjord looked back to Caleb, replying, “I’m gonna ask him one of these days. I have a feeling he won't give me a proper answer, but I have to know.”

Caleb chuckled, but the pressing questions in his head led him to steer the conversation back on task. “So.. I remember being under attack, woken up by a, uh, _banging_? A crash I believe?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure this can be read as platonic anymore, these boys are crushing hard (well Fjord mostly, Caleb's pretty out of it)
> 
> So we're doing three chapters now I guess?? This took longer than expected and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for too long. Next chap should actually be the last one, I'm in the middle of moving currently so I apologize in advance for the break that's probably gonna happen. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought below, feedback is super helpful :)
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter, in which an uncomfortable conversation edges into heated waters (and all is somewhat resolved).

Fjord went over the night’s (and early mornings) events in moderate detail, avoiding eye-contact for the duration. The elusive enemies, the blows as something, possibly multiple somethings circled the Ball-Eater. And then the hard part. Caleb falling skull-against-railing and into the dreaded waters. The dawning understanding that he was a complete and utter dumbass (he had really raised the already massive bar of dumbassery this time) as he stood on the precipice before throwing himself in, a sorry attempt to right his wrongs. Face hot with shame, he decidedly skimmed the whole _ocean_ part, the _feelings,_ the way Caleb looked more akin to a sinking treasure than a man in that dark expanse; a cherished item of gold drifting just out of his reach- surely he had already embarrassed himself enough for one night. It wasn’t important, nor relevant to the night's actual events anyways (and that _wasn’t_ just some weak justification to avoid his invading emotions towards the man, that would be silly) so he quickly moved on to the aftermath; Beau’s report of the confusing situation, her explanations that, while plausible, didn’t seem to add up. And that was it. His heartbeat thundered in his chest. 

* * *

Caleb remained silent throughout his summary, nursing his tea and choosing to hold onto any questions he had until the full picture had been laid out. Watching Fjord's expressions closely as the man evaded his gaze, it was no hard feat to see the familiar burning regret in his eyes as he began speaking, an emotion that visibly built as the retelling forced him nearer to the source. This is what bothered Caleb most; he had noticed it earlier as well, in his friend's wounded demeanor, the way he skirted around Caleb for reasons the wizard did not yet comprehend. 

Until he did. 

“You didn’t have to do that. Follow me in.” He empathized with Fjord, he _did,_ knowing all too well the soul-crushing weight that a mistake could hold, how their scars ran deeper than any other unrectified, but the fact that Fjord would take such a risk for him, only _him_ \- his brain protested upon trying to soak in that fact.

Fjord's face snapped towards his at that, completely dismissing the distance he had needed to get through his summary. With a shocked voice, he stuttered, “Wha- You don’t think I would’ve-” 

“It was idiotic, just leaping in with no information.” The wizard said coldly. “Fjord, you could have been _killed_.” Caleb's tone perfectly contrasted the half-orcs; weighted yet relaxed in that clinical manner he sometimes adopted.

Fjord scoffed at that. “And _you_ were actively dying! I was willing to risk it! _”_ He hated it, the empty yet somehow austere look in his eyes, the soldierly posture that had been worn into a younger, more malleable version of the man that sat before him. The fact that Caleb couldn’t seem to grasp the concept of self-worth, that he couldn’t even understand his _practical_ worth to the party as an amazing fucking wizard annoyed Fjord to no end. _He didn’t have to do that??_ Like fuck he didn’t. Even if he cared less about Caleb, the selfish need to simply _avoid_ the buckets of guilt that accidentally killing an ally would provide- that in turn failing your entire team would supply-- There was no way Fjord could’ve just stood by with his thumb up his ass while Caleb drowned. 

Somewhere under his shroud of scholarly coldness, Caleb could tell he’d said the wrong thing. Fjord was _angry_. Caleb stared unflinchingly, waiting for the anger to spill over the brim. 

“Hell, you of all people should know what it feels like to realize your loved ones are on the line and it’s _your_ fault.” Fjord spat. 

He _did_ flinch at that. Slightly. With a bitter laugh of depreciation, he bit back, “Mine were well past the line by the time I _fully_ came to my senses.” 

“Yeah, and if you had realized earlier I’m sure you would have fucking leapt in after them, fire or no fire!” Adrenaline surged through his veins. Fjord was strikingly aware that he had taken things too far bringing up Caleb's past, but if they were already there he may as well get his point across. 

At that their previous conversation was forgotten. Caleb found that rebuttal so _achingly_ laughable that it was hard to breathe. “There, you are dead wrong my friend. I am a coward. I may not have had the whole picture but that does not change the fact that I stood by while they screamed.”

“ _Caleb,_ that’s-”

“I did nothing. And I will never stop making up for that, but _that_ is why you should have thought before acting so careless.” 

“That’s so fucking hypocritical! How do you not _see_ that?”

Caleb replied wordlessly in a look of pure fire. His harsh gaze bored into Fjord's retinas, a hot iron burning his truth into Fjord’s mind. The tension clung to them for a moment, suspended in an eyelock, a raging battle of convictions that contrasted so strongly that neither man could dare to fold. 

Tea still in his grip, Caleb found his hands instinctively growing hot. Fjord's cup had been forgotten. As Caleb continued to stare the cracks began to grow in his friend's resolve. One part of Caleb, of _Bren,_ relished the feeling; seeing those splinters, the fraction of weakness behind an opponent’s eyes as they were forced to crumble under his hand without him having to lay down a finger. _Caleb_ however found no satisfaction in this. He had spoken his truth and would not waver, but he had also _hurt_ Fjord, he was actively harming a relationship that he had grown to treasure. Fjord did not deserve to be hurt because of someone like him.

Burying his resolve, Caleb forfeited. His shoulders rounded as he forced himself to look away, eyes landing on a once again steaming cup. His neck burned as Fjord continued to stare in the heavy silence, clearly waiting for something to happen. Still, Caleb stared into his cup. Then, lifting it slightly, he asked in a small voice, “Would you like your tea reheated?” 

The sudden change in tone gave Fjord whiplash. Astounded, his eyes snapped to Caleb's tea. “Is that your attempt to change the subject?” 

“ _Ja,_ I think that we need to.” 

The meek expression, partially obscured by ruddy hair, begged Fjord to play along. He didn’t want to, not when there was still so much to address- far more than he had thought possible-- but once again, he’d let it wait. For _Caleb_ , he would wait. “Fair point.” He said, relaxing a fraction as he grabbed his cup from the nightstand. 

Caleb took it, balancing his cup between his knees as he brought Fjords tea to a low boil. His friend sat tensely on the bed next to him, his posture averting Caleb, obviously contemplating a host of revelations. Caleb hoped he would be able to rest in the breathing room. 

He found himself able to relax in the familiarity of a somewhat common routine, remembering particularly cold nights made manageable with a warm touch; sharing hot water in a dingy prison cell with Veth before he had come to fully know her, sipping hot chocolate with Jester on a stormy night, grasping Beauregards shaking hands after the Iron Shepherds attack, after _Molly_ \- he had warmed his cheek too, that day— preparing tea with Caduceus in an open meadow, holding Yashas cheek as he reassured her on a midnight watch, and _Fjord—_

He handed the newly warmed drink back to Fjord, placing his palms upon the man's hands before he could move them away, encasing them in a comforting heat. Fjord’s hands were rough- sailors hands, with blunt nails and multiple raised scars, a reminder of all that his friend had been through with and before the Nein, a reminder of the tranquil strength that Caleb had always found comforting. The man looked to him expectantly, eyebrows raised. 

“Thank you,” Caleb said softly, head down. His grip tightened. “For helping me.” Navigating carefully around the thoughts surrounding their argument, he added, “It is not easy to forgive yourself, for your mistakes,” -he raised his head slowly- “But know that no one else is blaming you. These things happen, _ja_?” 

Fjord huffed a curt ‘hm’ sound, studying Caleb for a moment before turning away once again. He was jittery, having been so full of adrenaline only moments previous as he said, “Sure. I just can’t believe I was so _stupid_ … You were right- calling me soft-- it was irresponsible and I-” 

“You made up for it.” His hands slid back to his sides, allowing Fjord to take a cautious sip of tea. “And I am sure that you learned from it. Mistakes,” He paused to think before finishing, “they can serve as very effective teachers.” 

Now that the adrenaline had worn off, Caleb had begun to feel a deep-set fatigue and an aching in his newly healed head. From what he could gather, Fjord seemed even more energy-deprived than he was, beginning to slump over his tea. The thundering rain from outside the chamber had seemed to die down as morning began to creep in, and Caleb yearned to return to sleep, difficult as it may be. 

An aspect of Fjord's statement continued to dig at him like a worm under his skin. “I meant no harm in calling you soft Fjord.” 

Fjord absent-mindedly rubbed the rim of his cup. A regretful smile found his lips as he replied quietly, “Hardness has its merits.” 

At that, Caleb couldn’t quite find it in himself to disagree. 

“Mistakes rarely come from strength, that’s for sure,” He continued, finishing with a long sigh. “I’ll be better, this won’t happen again- I won’t let it.” There was a raging conviction in his golden eyes as they met Calebs and Fjord followed up with, “I promise.”

Placing a tentative hand on Fjord's arm, Caleb replied, “I believe you. And do not feel that you have to make it up to me, my trust in you is no less than before.” 

“Thanks,” the half-orc replied, albeit half-heartedly. 

After another quiet moment passed, Caleb decided that he should probably make his leave. A pensive, reflective mood was beginning to come on at this point, and he wanted to be alone before it overcame him. There was also the headache- the full-body ache, he supposed, but that was nothing unusual. He missed Veth. Standing up carefully, eager to make sure that he could indeed stand up without tipping over this time, and turned back to Fjord on the bed. “I am sure you are tired.”

“Not really actually,” Fjord joined him in standing, taking Caleb's near-empty cup and placing them on his desk as he continued, “You should get some rest though- and make sure Caduceus or Jessy takes another look at your head, alright?” 

He instinctively brought a hand up to his forehead, replying, “It is already healed.”

In the middle of lifting Caleb's coat off the floor the half-orc shot back a sarcastic, “Mhmm.”

“... I will have one of them check it though.”

Handing Caleb his coat, Fjord said, “You sure will.”

Caleb held his sopping coat uselessly for a moment as he watched Fjord begin to clean hastily. When it occurred to him that he should be helping he began sifting through some clothes on the floor to retrieve his belongings. Once everything had been cleaned (only somewhat, Fjord's room was still terribly damp), Caleb headed for the door with full arms, trying to conceal a frown directed towards his dripping spellbooks. 

Fjord noticed. “I hope they’ll be alright..”

“There may be something to fix them,” Caleb said, a small attempt to console both Fjord and himself. “If not, they should still be legible.” He could probably transfer them into new books when they returned from sea, as painful as that may be. The detailed writing and arcane diagrams had begun to bleed on the open page. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It is fine.”

Fjord opened the door then, blocking Caleb’s path to say, “We’re gonna talk about earlier when you’re ready. I can’t just sweep that under the rug, as much as you may want to.”

“Yes. You deserve that.” Caleb answered.

“It doesn’t have to be anytime soon- Just when you’re ready.”

Caleb was not sure he would ever be ready, but that didn’t matter. He appreciated the sentiment. The cold air stung his cheeks, an inviting burn beckoning him into solitude.

“ _Gute Nacht,_ my friend.” 

Fjord let him pass. “More like good _morning_.” 

Caleb smiled. “ _Sorry, Guten Morgen.”_

The wizard headed up the few steps and onto the main deck, turning back as Fjord added in, “Don’t worry about the clothes, by the way.” 

“Tell me that and I may keep them, they are large but I do feel rather dapper,” Caleb replied.

“I wouldn’t be upset if you did, I don’t think I could withstand the embarrassment of putting them on again.”

Caleb laughed, remembering the Marquis’ party in Nicodranas and Fjord's garish captain outfit. “Maybe I’ll have them tailored when we get back to port.” He joked.

“I would love that.” Fjord half-spoke-half-shouted as the wizard continued to inch away. 

Caleb gave him a final warm look before disappearing into the dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long haha,, Happy holidays?
> 
> This took far longer than I expected to finish due to busyness and a little too much procrastination, (sorry sorry sorry), But I hope you enjoyed it? I'm gonna try to write more critrole stuff in the future, possibly a longer story with an actual plot (we'll see how long it takes me to actually write that one lol). 
> 
> Thanks to those who stuck with me through this, and as always comments and kudos are very appreciated :)
> 
> Luv you all and thanks for reading <3 <3


End file.
